Well, here I am! A few hours from leaving for this great adventure. The past few months have been a whirlwind of emotion, and they reached a peak these past two weeks at orientation.
If you ask what we did at orientation, I would say attended various lectures, prayed, napped, ate, and hung out (many late nights of mafia). But this would not be a complete summary of the past two weeks in my life. Instead, you could ask me what I went through, what I felt, or what value I found in this time. I would tell you it was a time when I faced my deepest fears, my innermost feelings that I didn't know existed, learned to find inspiration from others, learned how to find peace in silence, and began to reconnect with a beautiful belief in God and myself.
Every day has been a roller-coaster. I am very scared of the unknown land that awaits me, being away from home, and the failures that I will surely face. Yet, I'm excited to embark on this wonderful journey with the people I have met (and am about to meet) and I'm overjoyed in the hope I have in humanity after meeting such a great group of young volunteers. I have come to embrace the changes that I will face over the next two years. I reached all of these revelations with the help of others, the support I felt coming from my friends and family, and in a 3 day silent retreat.
I am now happy to say I am boarding this airplane with peace of mind, lots of nerves and hopes, and about 50 new friends. I am constantly aware of the love you all are sending my way (it takes my breath away how I can actually feel your love). I am sending the same love and gratitude back your way.
I am leaving Boston College, the site of orientation, at 2:30 AM. We're flying to Houston, Tokyo, Guam (where we will stay for a night), Chuuk (another Micronesian island), and finally Pohnpei. I will finally reach my new home on Wednesday (40 hours of traveling and over 10,000 miles).
I am hoping to update this blog about once a month (I'll have a better idea of that when I get there). In the meantime, please please please send me letters, postcards, e-mails, and prayers!
I love you all, you are my light.
As I was trying to accept my fears, I wrestled with the fact that Jesus always say "Be not afraid." How am I supposed to welcome my feelings, with this blatant message?! This quote clarified things for me: Rather than 'Fear not; the things you are afraid of will not happen,'
"Fear not; the things you are afraid of are quite likely to happen to you, but they are nothing to be afraid of" ~ John Macmurray
Sam! This post is particularly helpful for me at the moment, as all of those things you were feeling before and during Orientation are starting to happen to me and they're creeping up in weird ways. Apparently, I am finding out that my stress manifests itself physically. When I am thinking about leaving at night and can't sleep, I get a feeling that something is in the room with me, which is definitely a first. Usually I just stress eat, but I guess it's fair for my fear to manifest itself differently this time, given that I'm about to leave everything I've ever known for TWO YEARS. All this to say that your quote by John Macmurray (whom I'd never heard of before, so thank you) was exactly what I needed to read this morning. Much love and glad you are feeling somewhat at-home. Sending you mountains of laughter, peace and love (stole that from Matt Harpers' e-mail.) Oh, and still no gossip to report :)
ReplyDelete